The Homecoming Heartbreak

So, i finally decided to come back home after 2 years. A decision which i'm still not able to decide was a bad idea or an important decision.

First thing i noticed when dad came to pick me up was how thin he had gotten. Mind you this is the same guy who used to go to PT (during his army days) at 6 AM in the morning and was still chonky

Pipo has grown so much, he's now almost as tall as me. He's 16 years old, like wtf when did that happen. His 'stache is fully visible and beard is kinda coming now. But fuck dude he's so fucking thin

Bhaiya is just bhaiya, he seems to be alright but i know there's something eating hime from the inside.

Mamaji has BP, Diabetes, and prostate cancer. He has gotten so fucking thin his pants are coming loose

The most sad part

As sson as i entered the house, the saw the portrait of mum hanging in the hall and that's just it. She's not here any more and the presence is significantly missed when we are in her house. She's not here and the home doesn't feel like home.

And it's just sad like a heavy sinking feeling, that's all there it is to it. I dont even know why am i even writing this. Maybe these are the thoughts i will take it to grave.

To be honest, I'm very conflicted. Part me just wanna leave everything behind and focus on career, but this voice in my head says "for whom are you gonna earn? apart from yourself"

I wanna stay till 20th but I don't think I can as I've to go back to her as well

Speaking of her, i don't know how will she manage to live alone all this time? I think the best course of action would be to go back on the scheduled flight date and again come home sometime during durga puja + diwali and stay till chhat.

Anyways, gonna go have a smoke now. Sayonara bitches. Peace Out!