The Tense Dread

Walking in your hometown feels different even you are coming back after 2 years.

Driving is even better. The cold breezes at 6 pm in the ranchi ki gaaliyan feels immaculate. But you know what, for me it's all ruined

Every lane, every corner, every place feels same same but different. Naturally you start to think of the past and that's where the tense dread emerges from.

For the entire time we were at Patel/Sahajanand chowk and harmu kadru road, i had this feeling that i hope from school sees me. you know where i am going with this. TBH, i feel like i set myself ablaze where even lighting a lamp was forbidden.

it's almost like i'd be stoic but still have stomach churnings. it's as if i'd wear and strong at the same time. not really sure but whatever. i really need to go back else i will lose my mind at this place. can't leave my family behind tho. maybe you were always meant to remain just an idea for me.

will have to figure shit out. but i will visit home twice a year from now onwards. i will let my fear of seeing something won't come between my duties as a son. i'm not a traitor to my class. i'm just an extreme example of what a working man can achieve. i need to switch and revamp shit.

she will get to see me. sooner or later, but it will be on the terms where she gets to see lost or whatever. idk about i dont think i will be able to fly with a bouqet of their favourite flowers for someone. or give them a thoughtful gift, or atleast i think it was thoughtful. maybe it was. who the fuck cares, eh?

but i will take these memories to my grave.